You push individuals away, and also you’re unsure why. Perhaps previous experiences taught you that vulnerability results in ache, so you retain your guard up. Pushing individuals away has turn into your protection mechanism.
Once they go away, it hurts much less since you anticipated it. You’re defending your self by constructing partitions, however why does it nonetheless really feel such as you’re lacking one thing? Let’s discover the explanations behind this conduct and find out how to change it.
1. Want for Independence
Whenever you’re rising up, you may push individuals away out of a need to face by yourself two toes. You need to be unbiased. And there’s nothing mistaken with that.
The draw back of this wrestle is while you insurgent for the sake of doing the other of what your dad and mom or different authority figures are telling you to do. That’s not independence.
As you develop, you’ll be taught to do what’s in your finest pursuits, whether or not it means complying with another person’s directive or thanking them for his or her concepts after which doing what you must do.
2. Insecurity
When you anticipate others to ultimately reject or abandon you, you may say or do issues to sabotage the connection and pace issues up.
In any case, in the event that they’re going to depart you, anyway, the earlier the higher. As soon as they’re out of your life, attributable to your behaviors, you possibly can say, “I knew they would not stick round. Nobody ever does.”
However in selecting to push individuals away, you deal with all individuals the identical — together with those that really need to stand by you it doesn’t matter what.
3. Concern of Intimacy
And when you worry intimacy, you’ll put up boundaries to creating an emotional bond with somebody. You don’t need them to see what’s beneath the armor you put on.
As a result of in the event that they contact your uncooked and defenseless inside, their eventual betrayal will damage greater than in the event that they rejected the particular person they thought you had been. As a result of then, after they do reject you, they’re not simply rejecting an concept they made up or that you simply allowed them to see.
They’re rejecting the actual you. And deep down, you don’t anticipate anybody to like that particular person. You don’t anticipate to be sufficient for them.
4. Trauma from Previous Rejection
Pushing individuals away in relationships could also be your means of coping with previous rejection.
You may in all probability consider moments out of your previous that appear to justify pushing somebody away now.
Perhaps somebody pushed you away while you needed them to consolation or reassure you. You couldn’t maintain again the tears, they usually despatched you away, accusing you of attempting to control them.
Or perhaps you counted on somebody to be there and have your again, however they left you to face alone.
5. Low Self-Esteem
You could have low shallowness and really feel so unhealthy about your self that you simply query anybody who desires to get near you.
Why would this particular person need to hang around with somebody such as you? There should be one thing mistaken with them if they do not acknowledge how unworthy of affection and friendship you’re.
You virtually really feel higher creating relationships with individuals who use you or are unkind to you, as a result of that looks as if what you deserve. You retain the sort individuals at bay as a result of they do not mirror how you are feeling about your self.
6. Psychological Well being Points
In case you are depressed, full of nervousness, or produce other psychological well being issues, it’s possible you’ll not have the power or emotional bandwidth to be a very good good friend or companion. Because of this, you merely belly-up within the relationship.
You do not make an effort, and the opposite particular person’s efforts are met with a tepid response at finest. Or no response in any respect.
When your psychological well being suffers, nothing — together with your pals — appears to matter a lot. Finally, even probably the most loyal associates get the message that you don’t need them round proper now.
A few of these causes stick with you for many years. Some linger in your reminiscence and affect your conduct towards others till somebody challenges you to dig deeper, to forgive, and to develop.
7. Hyper-Competitiveness
Competitors is a pure a part of life. In any case, we’re programmed to outlive.
However there’s a wholesome line, and crossing the Rubicon into hyper-competitive territory usually results in damaged relationships, extreme stress, and severe psychological well being hurdles.
Moreover, individuals with their competitors gears jammed to full throttle are inclined to push individuals away for numerous causes. Typically they’ll’t deal with the perceived stress of being round somebody who matches or exceeds their expertise and abilities. Different instances, their egos balloon, they usually passively aggressively expunge individuals who could also be perceived as inferior or one way or the other missing.
8. Jealousy
Eliminating jealousy is unattainable. Individuals who go round boasting about their full lack of envy or need are greater than probably overcompensating for an unaddressed situation. And no, not each criticism is a product of the green-eyed monster.
However jealousy is one other emotion that goes haywire when left unchecked. When envy takes the reins of an individual’s persona, it might push away people who seemingly have what they crave.
