Losing control and no longer feeling like we are in any position of power regarding our lives is terrifying, yet common. Sometimes we feel like we are simply bystanders, getting carried away by the overwhelming circumstances that constantly leave us powerless.
We might feel like everything else is controlling us, whether it’s a job, a relationship, or a friend. How do we gain our sense of control back?
Being in control of our own life, means being in charge of the aspects of it. Obviously, we cannot be ahead of everything.
We can only change how we react, how we think, who we let in, and what things we allow to control us. Most of the time, we don’t even realize how much power a certain thing holds o us!
By doing that we are declaring that no one else is holding the gear. Getting to this point, starts by actually believing that we are, in fact, in control!
Once we start believing that you got this, other things will not matter.
Signs you are not in control
1. You are constantly complaining
2. You have a constant feeling of boredom
3. You talk yourself out of commitments
4. You feel like your relationships are out of place
5. You are constantly on your phone
1. You are constantly complaining
When you are in a constant state of complaining, clearly, it means you are having issues in your life, whether it’s an annoying boss, a draining friendship, a controlling family member, they are definitely bothering you. However, are you doing anything about it?
Ask yourself the following:
Am I doing something to change the situation?
Am I taking any sort of action to make it better?
Or am I just complaining?
Surely, that’s a tough one. Sometimes we feel like we don’t have the power to change a situation. But that is far from the truth, we always have it within us to better it! Change starts with action. Any small action you take forward to try and improve a situation, means you are not letting it control you!
When you catch yourself complaining, instead of drowning in a loop of self-pity, start thinking about ways to better the situation.
2. You have a constant feeling of boredom
Being always bored means we can’t find the spark in our life. There is nothing exciting us anymore, we simply don’t like where our life is heading and we lost the passion of it all. How do we reverse that?
Ask yourself:
Am I prioritizing the things I love?
Am I chasing my dreams?
Did I forget to make time for the things I enjoy doing?
Did I get carried away by work and forgot to prioritize the things I enjoyed because, I felt like I had no time?
Sometimes, the simplest things can make us happy. Just a heart to heart talk with a friend, listening to our favorite songs, and eating in the places we like.
Having a regular routine gives us structure and stability, it is indeed a good thing to maintain. However, we still need to make time for the things that we do, because we want to, not because we have to! An amount of time dedicated to our hobbies or interests can make a huge difference. Invest time in doing this!
Once you start enjoying things again, the lack of enthusiasm will vanish, and you will find yourself in a happier state. By achieving this, you are controlling the elements that contribute to your happiness, and positive wellbeing.
3. You talk yourself out of commitments
If we can’t hold on to commitments, how can we feel in control? Not knowing how to commit to things will make us feel like we have no sense of discipline.
We can start by assessing how much value we give to commitments, whether it’s a hangout with a friend, a meeting, a family gathering, a job interview, or a relationship. It is necessary to be self-aware of a lack of commitment.
Once you know this you can start making it better!
Start your day by writing down all the things you want to do, and actually commit to doing them. This will help develop a sense of responsibility that will grow into making you a person who is committed.
When we begin to commit to different areas of our lives, we feel in control.
4. Your relationships are out of place
Trying to maintain relationships that feel out of place is emotionally draining. This could be due to a lack of boundaries, and fear of speaking up when bothered. This can definitely put you in an inferior position when it comes to your emotional wellbeing.
You need to know why you are scared of establishing boundaries. You are not hurting anyone by wanting to be respected. In fact, you are only emotionally protecting ourselves. By letting others know your boundaries, you are making ourselves happier, and increasing your self-worth.
We all deserve this! We can’t control our lives if we don’t have our own boundaries, which allow us to have mutual respect and love in our relationships.
5. You are constantly on your phone
Being negatively consumed by social media can be devastating. Not knowing to what extent we let the power of social media affect us, can be harmful. We might let these platforms have a huge impact on our lives and we may not know how to stop this.
We should always know how much time we allow ourselves to scroll down these apps, and how the time spent can be negatively affecting us. For instance,
By doing this, a clear view of the problem will be visible. Am I comparing myself to people online? Am I letting the things I post online be the only thing shaping my life? Do I feel like I do not exist without online validation? Am I spending too much time on social media?
Having social media accounts and regularly using them is completely normal! But when we start letting them consume our mental space excessively, that creates an issue.
For example, we can start the day by writing down how much time we are going to give social media today, and how we are going to enjoy our day without feeling the need to post about it. By doing that, we create a healthier mindset.
Change starts with you
We are in control of many things in our lives, when we don’t even know it. For example, the media we consume on a daily basis, the people we talk to, the food we eat, the work we do, how we manage our time, how we communicate with ourselves, and how we look at ourselves.
All these things help us shape our reality and create what we want. Listening to positive things regularly will quite literally transform the way you think. For example, I start my day with listening to positive affirmations, these things stick to your brain! So paying attention to what you let yourself hear every day is vital. Change begins with you, if you want to feel in control of your own life, you simply need to declare it, believe it, and take action!
Erin shows overscheduled, overwhelmed women how to do less so that they can achieve more. Traditional productivity books—written by men—barely touch the tangle of cultural pressures that women feel when facing down a to-do list. How to Get Sh*t Done will teach you how to zero in on the three areas of your life where you want to excel, and then it will show you how to off-load, outsource, or just stop giving a damn about the rest.
