What makes a woman attractive to a woman?
And how can you know for sure if a woman you know is attracted to you?
Whether you feel the same or not isn’t the issue here.
Once you know how to tell if a woman is attracted to another woman, it’s up to you to decide what to do if you pick up the signs in a woman you know.
Let’s start by answering some questions you might have.
Can A Straight Woman Be Attracted to Another Woman?
Is it possible for a straight woman to be attracted to another woman? Short answer: Yes. Longer answer: It’s complicated.
First of all, it’s important to note the different types of attraction. Sexual and romantic attraction are the most talked about, but there are other ways to experience attraction.
A straight woman may experience strong aesthetic, emotional, platonic, or sensual attraction to another woman.
These types of attraction can even be confused for romantic or sexual attraction.
Second, a woman can realize that she’s not straight at any point in her life. So, even if she identifies as straight, she may begin to develop romantic feelings for another woman.
And, turns out, female-to-female attraction signs aren’t so different from the signs you’d see in a woman who’s crushing hard on a guy.
That said, what should you look for?
Primary Types of Attraction to Other Women
Romantic love is one type of attraction, but there are others. Let’s explore the different kinds of strong bonds two people can share.
- Physical: Physical attraction is what people talk about when they talk about lusty love. It’s about chemistry, stomach butterflies, and getting weak in the knees when around the object of your desire. It’s the spark that usually comes at the beginning of a romantic relationship.
- Good Friend: Friendship is a beautiful and fulfilling experience and a type of attraction. Camaraderie isn’t physically romantic, but some people fill our proverbial tanks in special-but-platonic ways.
- Emotional: We are what we think, and maintaining good mental health is rooted in emotional balance. Sometimes, we find people who calm our nerves and help us see the world in a way that supports our well-being. These types of relationships are built on emotional attraction.
- Spiritual: People usually talk about soulmates in a romantic capacity, but some soulmates are nonsexual. In these instances, the lure feels inexplicable and may even trigger bodily reactions. For example, have you ever met someone and gotten goosebumps? That’s often a sign of spiritual attraction.
- Mental: Being around people who make us think and see the world from a different angle can be intoxicating. You may not want to sleep with the person who gets your cerebral juices flowing, but it is a form of attraction.
What Attracts A Woman to Another Woman? 14 Signs You Need to Know
If the woman you’re thinking of is exhibiting more than one of the following signs, chances are, those signals are a strong indicator of her preference for your company.
It might help, too, to ask yourself, “What would I think if she were acting the same way toward a guy?”
1. She ventures closer to you.
Given a chance and an excuse that sounds innocent enough, she’ll sit right next to you—at a table, on the couch, at the movies, or anywhere you might be.
Of course, if she’s in another relationship, she may not feel free to do this, especially when her significant other is around. Or maybe she’ll stay in proximity to you without realizing it.
She doesn’t feel the need for a space cushion between you. And as long as it doesn’t freak you out, she’s happy to sit as close to you as you’ll allow.
She’s even happier if you take the initiative and sit close to her. In fact, any time you sit or stand closer to her, she feels a surge of warmth you can often see on her face, even when she’d rather keep her feelings for you secret.
If she’s into you, she probably won’t be subtle about it (for long).
2. She uses any excuse to spend time with you.
She wants to be where you are. And if she can think of a good excuse to visit or join you on an errand or invite you over to her place, she will.
Then, once you two have arranged a meeting, she’ll spend whatever time leads up to it wringing her hands, mentally rehearsing everything she said to you, and curling up with a soothing drink (when she’s not pacing and scolding herself).
Once she’s with you, though, she’s happy again. And, if possible, she wants you all to herself. If someone else is there, and if her schedule allows, she’ll stay until your other company leaves. Then she’ll relish the time she has alone with you.
3. She’ll use any excuse to text or message you.
Any text or email from you, and she’s instantly awake, alert, and scouring the message for subtext. She’ll laugh at herself later (through tears), but for now, she’s walking on air.
She’ll read the text, absorb it, roll it around in her head for a bit, and then sketch out some ideas for a reply. She’ll agonize over the best response and the best possible phrasing for it.
But eventually, after sketching out some ideas and choosing the least problematic, she’ll leave her response and hope for an encouraging rejoinder from you–at least if her response contained a question.
She also loves it when you give her a reason to message you (It really doesn’t take much).
4. She uses any excuse for physical contact.
When it comes to you, she’s always ready for hugs and gentle touches to the arm, shoulder, or back. She’ll even let you touch her hair. It may even seem as though she’s leaning in, hoping for some kind of touch from you.
If she’s less receptive to touch with other people, this is a strong sign that she feels closer to you than to most. She craves that connection with you above all. Offer your hand, and she’ll take it. Offer your arms, and she’ll walk right into them.
And if she feels at home there, she’ll only let go when she feels you pulling back. You can feel it in her hugs, too. She might seem hesitant at first, but once you’re hugging, she’ll melt into it. She’ll linger as long as you’ll allow it—unless she feels suspicious eyes upon her.
And if she leans in for a kiss or actually lands one, well — game over. You know for sure she sees you as a potential romantic partner.
5. She seems deflated when you talk about someone else
If there’s even a chance you might have romantic feelings toward someone who isn’t her, she’ll look for the signs. And if she sees them—or thinks she sees them—she’s likely to seem a bit subdued or even depressed.
On the other hand, if she picks up the slightest sign that you prefer her company, she’ll bloom. It’s not that she doesn’t see herself as worthy of someone like you (though she might). But she wants to be your number one.
The plain truth of it is you’re the only one in the world (other than herself) whose perception of her matters. If she’s got your attention and your smiles, she has hope.
6. She goes back and forth between being subtle and being more overt.
Then she also goes back and forth between thinking she’s being too subtle and wringing her hands thinking she’s not subtle enough.
The agony is real. Everyone acts like an idiot when they’re in love—at least sometimes.
She knows what she’s feeling, but she’s not sure you feel the same way toward her. After all, she probably thinks you could have your pick of younger, smarter, and hotter women.
So, if you’re picking up on her interest in you, she imagines you thinking, “Oh, uh… This is awkward, but I’m kinda interested in someone else. I thought we were just friends.”
Cue the hyperventilating and string of profanities.
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7. She asks you out.
If she’s feeling brave (or just really wants to feel that way), she might even ask you out. After all, since you’re both women, she’s less likely to wait for you to make the first move.
If she asks, you’re the only one invited—no one competing with her for your attention. And if she gets a “Yes” from you, she’ll go all out to make your time together as enjoyable as possible.
She’ll want to spoil you. She’ll want to make sure you get the hint that you’re worth all the trouble she’s gone to to make your date memorable. She aims for an experience you’ll want to repeat.
Because, to her, this is only the beginning.
Within moments of posting anything on social media, she’s blowing up the comment section with compliments.
She’ll say something about how great you look if it’s a picture of you dressed up. She’ll praise your intelligence if it’s a link to an article about something substantial.
Even when your posts are offerings to the Gods of Superficiality and Excess, she compliments you about your style, light-heartedness, taste…whatever fits the bill.
Ultimately, how you feel about her will dictate how you feel about her omnipresence on your timeline.
9. She Asks Your Friends About You
Regardless of gender or sexual preference, humans in lust seek out the friends of their would-be lovers and start asking questions. What is she like? What music is she into? What about films? Is she dating anyone?
So if another woman is interested in you, she’ll likely do the same.
If you’re new to same-sex relationships, how would your friends react if another woman asked about you? Would they tell you or think nothing of it? It’s something to consider.
Because if your buddies don’t know you’d be receptive to dating another woman, they may not pick up on the signals and not let you know you have an admirer.
10. She Asks You About Your Sexual Preferences
Has the woman in question ever sheepishly asked you about your sexual preferences? Or maybe she hints around the topic with suggestive jokes.
If she’s timid about asking, it could mean she’s attracted to you. After all, if she weren’t smitten and wanted to know the answers, there probably wouldn’t be much emotion involved. It would be as simple as asking, “what’s your favorite color.”
Most folks grow shy around someone they’re attracted to. The butterflies swoop in — alongside a hint of anxiety — and they’re hyper-aware of their own presence.
So if you are open to exploring the situation, let them know they don’t have to worry.
11. She Puts Effort Into Her Appearance When She Knows You’ll Be Around
When you first met, she dressed and looked nice enough. But now, whenever you’re scheduled to be at the same place or event, she’s dolled up to the hilt.
But don’t get ahead of yourself on this one. Is it possible she’s trying to impress someone else in the group? Or perhaps she’s just given herself a “glow-up” since you first met.
Both are possible. So if she’s not exhibiting any other signs, don’t jump to conclusions.
12. She’s Negative About Your Dates
If you’re friends, you probably talk about dates and crushes. So pay attention to how she reacts and what she says when you chit-chat about potential paramours.
Does her body language change? Does she clam up and signal that she’s uncomfortable about the conversation? Maybe even upset?
And how about her responses? Does she trash the person for no particular reason? Does she bring up alleged “red flags” that aren’t evident?
In some instances, she may be right. After all, in the early days of falling for someone, we may not notice potential personality problems.
But if she’s never positive, and it seems like she doesn’t want you to date anyone, her negativity is likely a sign of attraction.
13. She Invites You to Lesbian-Friendly Bars, Lounges, and Parties
If the woman in question has been a member of the LGBTQA+ community for a while, she may go to lesbian- and bisexual-friendly bars, lounges, and parties.
If she invites you to join her, she may be indicating interest.
But again, if the invitation is open to anyone in your friend group, don’t overthink it. She probably just wants to gather a big party for a fun night.
14. She Makes Intense and Deep Eye Contact with You
They say the eyes are the window to the soul, and when people gaze into your eyes, it’s usually a sign they’re deeply attracted to you. If you’re not used to intense focus, it can be disarming.
Pay attention to how they look at everyone, though. Some people are great at eye contact and do it with friends, family, and acquaintances alike — especially if they’re in sales.
What to Do If Another Woman Is Attracted to You?
Your reaction to another woman being physically drawn to you depends on your feelings. Are you interested in a same-sex relationship, or are you strictly heterosexual? Let’s look at a few options for each scenario.
How To React if You’re Interested
Maybe you’ve always known you’re a lesbian, bisexual, or pansexual. Or perhaps same-sex attraction is something new for you.
Whichever the case, let’s review a few acceptable reactions upon discovering another woman wants you.
- Flirt Back: If you’re open to seeing where things go, flirt back!
- Send Word: Chat up her friends and make it known that you’re also interested. Word will get back to her.
- Compliment Her: Everyone loves a sincere compliment, and it signals that you’re open to exploring what’s next.
How To React if You’re Not Interested
While you’re perfectly comfortable with LGBTQA+ people, you’re heterosexual and don’t want to date other women.
So how should you react when it’s obvious another woman is into you?
- Don’t Send Mixed Signals: Sure, you may enjoy her company as a friend. But make sure you don’t cross the line and behave in ways that could be construed as flirting.
- Make Your Preferences Clear Without Addressing the Issue Directly: Sometimes, all it takes is clarifying that you’re only into guys. So if you’re chatting with a group about dating, and she’s there, say something like, “Personally, I only date guys.”
- Tell Her Directly: If she’s aggressive and it’s making you uncomfortable, be direct. Start by asking if she is flirting with you. Then follow up with something along the lines of, “I enjoy spending time with you as friends, but I’m straight.” Don’t be mean; just be direct. It may sting, but if you are meant to be buds, she’ll get over it quickly.
Now that you’ve read through all seven signs of a woman attracted to another woman, which ones stood out for you? And what will you do differently this week?