Valentine’s Day is usually a enjoyable, blissful and romantic day that you just’ve been trying ahead to by means of throughout the dreary winter months.
However it may also be a tragic time should you’re single or in a nasty relationship or possibly you strategy it overly significantly and get all wired about that big day.
That can assist you with all of that I’d prefer to share 101 of probably the most humorous Valentine’s Day quotes.
Timeless ideas to offer you just a few good laughs, provide help to loosen up and make this a beautiful day irrespective of the place you’re in your life proper now.
And don’t neglect to share one or just a few of your favorites along with your associate, pals, household and anybody you assume may wish them proper now or you recognize would get chuckle out of them.
Humorous Valentine’s Day Quotes for a Extra Enjoyable and Much less Traumatic Day
“Bear in mind, your Valentine’s card exhibits you care sufficient to ship the easiest, though you’re too lazy to place it in your individual phrases.”
– Melanie White
“I wished to make it actually particular on Valentine’s Day, so I tied my boyfriend up. And for 3 strong hours, I watched no matter I wished on TV.”
– Tracy Smith
“Valentine’s Day money-saving tip: Break up on February thirteenth. Get again collectively on the fifteenth.”
– David Letterman
“You’ll be able to’t put a price ticket on love, however you may on all its equipment.”
– Melanie Clark Pullen
“We have to keep in mind what’s essential in life: pals, waffles, work. Or waffles, pals, work. Doesn’t matter, however work is third.”
– Leslie Knope
“Uteruses earlier than duderuses… Ovaries earlier than brovaries.”
– Leslie Knope (from the TV-show Parks & Recreations)
“Oh right here’s an concept: let’s make photos of our inside organs and provides them to different individuals we love on Valentine’s Day. That’s not bizarre in any respect.”
– Jimmy Fallon
“In the present day is Valentine’s Day – or, as males prefer to name it, Extortion Day!”
– Jay Leno
“The 99 Cent Solely Retailer is looking itself your Valentine’s Day headquarters. Guys, if that’s your Valentine’s Day headquarters, you can even name the storage your new dwelling.”
– Jay Leno
“Would I somewhat be feared or beloved? Straightforward. Each. I would like individuals to be afraid of how a lot they love me.”
– Michael Scott
“With out Valentine’s Day, February could be… properly, January.”
– Jim Gaffigan
“All you want is love. However somewhat chocolate at times doesn’t harm.”
– Charles M. Schulz
“First Valentine’s Day, 200,000 B.C.: Women and men congregate on reverse sides of Pangaea, ready for somebody to make the primary transfer.”
– Kristen Schaal
“You’ll be able to’t purchase love, however you may pay closely for it.”
– Henny Youngman
“The key to a protracted marriage is to remain gone.”
– Dolly Parton
“I ponder what idiot it was that first invented kissing.”
– Jonathan Swift
“All my spouse wished for Valentine’s Day was somewhat card – American Categorical.”
– Milton Berle
Humorous Valentine’s Day Quotes & Jokes on Being Single
“Valentine’s Day: the vacation that reminds you that should you don’t have a particular somebody, you’re alone.”
– Lewis Black
“My pals inform me I’ve an intimacy downside. However they don’t actually know me.”
– Garry Shandling
“I desire a man who’s sort and understanding. Is that an excessive amount of to ask of a millionaire?”
– Zsa Zsa Gabor
“If love is the reply, may you please rephrase the query?”
– Lily Tomlin
“I nearly had a psychic girlfriend, however she left me earlier than we met.”
– Steven Wright
“The factor about Valentine’s day is that individuals uncover who’re single and who to really feel jealous of.”
– Faye Morgan
“Real love is like ghosts, which everybody talks about and few have seen.”
– Francois de la Rochefoucauld
“You’re by no means alone on Valentine’s Day should you’re close to a lake and have bread.”
– Mike Primavera
“No person loves me as a lot as I really like me, so I assume I’ll simply be my very own valentine.”
– Adam Rippon
“Individuals ought to fall in love with their eyes closed.”
– Andy Warhol
“The one you like and the one who loves you’re by no means, ever the identical particular person.”
– Chuck Palahniuk
“Have you ever ever been in love? Horrible isn’t it? It makes you so susceptible.”
– Neil Gaiman
“My cellphone battery lasts longer than most of my relationships these days.”
– Jacques Torres
“Can formally affirm that the best way to a person’s coronary heart lately shouldn’t be by means of magnificence, meals, intercourse, or alluringness of character, however merely the flexibility to appear not very interested by him.”
– Bridget Jones (from the film Bridget Jones’s Diary)
“Should you textual content ‘I really like you’ to an individual and the particular person writes again an emoji – it doesn’t matter what that emoji is, they don’t love you again.”
– Chelsea Peretti
“Love is a mutual self-giving which ends in self-recovery.”
– Fulton J. Sheen
“Love doesn’t drop on you unexpectedly; you must give off alerts, type of like an beginner radio operator.”
– Helen Gurley Brown
Hilarious Valentine’s Day Quotes for Him and a Constructive Day
“Love means nothing in tennis, but it surely’s all the things in life.”
– Unknown
“No matter you could seem like, marry a person your individual age – as your magnificence fades, so will his eyesight.”
– Phyllis Diller
“I advised my spouse a person is like wine, he will get higher with age. She locked me within the cellar.”
– Rodney Dangerfield
“I promise to like you, respect you, help you, and above all else, be sure that I’m not simply yelling at you as a result of I’m hungry.”
– Gladys Canby
“What’s one of the best ways to have your husband keep in mind your anniversary? Get married on his birthday.”
– Cindy Garner
“I believe males who’ve a pierced ear are higher ready for marriage. They’ve skilled ache and purchased jewellery.”
– Rita Rudner
“The person who says his spouse can’t take a joke forgets that she took him.”
– Oscar Wilde
“A person’s predominant job is to guard his girl from her need to ‘get bangs’ each different month.”
– Dax Shepard
“Should you can keep in love for greater than two years, you’re on one thing.”
– Fran Lebowitz
“A man is aware of he’s in love when he loses curiosity in his automobile for a few days.”
– Tim Allen
“Being husband is like being a stand-up comedian. You want 10 years earlier than you may name your self a newbie.”
– Jerry Seinfeld
“As a person in a relationship, you’ve a alternative: You might be proper otherwise you might be blissful.”
– Ralphie Might
“I promise to all the time be by your aspect. Or underneath you. Or on high.”
– Joe King
“I really like you in a method that’s nauseating to others.”
– Dinah Mite
“The bravest factor that males do is love ladies.”
– Mort Sahl
“The jewellery shops say, ‘Inform your spouse you like her with a diamond,’ whereas wives let you know they love you with, ‘OK, however simply because it’s Valentine’s Day.’”
– George Lopez
“Marrying a person is like shopping for one thing you’ve been admiring for a very long time in a store window. Chances are you’ll like it while you get it dwelling, but it surely doesn’t all the time go together with all the things else.”
– Jean Kerr
“Hold your eyes broad open earlier than marriage, half shut afterwards.”
– Benjamin Franklin
“By all means marry. Should you get spouse, you’ll be blissful. Should you get a nasty one, you’ll turn into a thinker.”
– Socrates
“Love is quite a bit like a backache, it doesn’t present up on X-rays, however you recognize it’s there.”
– George Burns
“Love is a fireplace. However whether or not it’s going to heat your fireside or burn down your home, you may by no means inform.”
– Joan Crawford
“Males need the identical factor from their underwear that they need from ladies: somewhat little bit of help and somewhat little bit of freedom.”
– Jerry Seinfeld
Humorous Valentine’s Day Quotes for Buddies and Your BFF
“What’s Galentine’s Day? Oh, it’s solely one of the best day of the yr.”
– Leslie Knope
“Love is being silly collectively.”
– Paul Valery
“Love is sharing your popcorn.”
– Charles Schulz
“I really like you even after I’m actually, actually hungry.”
– Holly Wooden
“I really like you greater than espresso. However please don’t make me show it.”
– Gerry Attrick
“I’m yours. No refunds.”
– Unknown
“I really like you it doesn’t matter what you do, however do you’ve to take action a lot of it?”
– Jean Illsley Clarke
“Typically I ponder how you place up with me. Then I keep in mind, oh I put up with you. So we’re even.”
– Mand Lynne
“I really like you with all my butt. I’d say coronary heart, however my butt is larger.”
– Emma Nate
“I really like you much more than I’m irritated by you. Which is quite a bit.”
– Brighton Early
“If there’s a regulation in opposition to friendship, lock me up.”
– Leslie Knope
“On daily basis I fall in love with you an increasing number of. Besides yesterday, yesterday you had been fairly annoying.”
– Earl E. Chook
“I promise you, I’d be the primary to stomp in your beautiful, beautiful zombie head.”
– Unknown
Brief, Cute and Humorous Valentine’s Day Quotes
“Love is a grave psychological sickness.”
– Plato
“Love is blind – marriage is the eye-opener.”
– Pauline Thomason
“Love means by no means having to say you’re sorry – however I extremely suggest you say it in any case.”
– Sandra Shea
“Love shouldn’t be having to carry in your farts anymore.”
– Bree Luckey
“A person falls in love by means of his eyes, a girl by means of her ears.”
– Les Dawson
“Love is like struggle: simple to start however very arduous to cease.”
– H. L. Mencken
“I promise to all the time cop a really feel while you’re attempting to prepare within the morning.”
– Upton O. Goode
“Who wears the pants in our relationship? We desire it when neither of us are sporting pants.”
– Felix Cited
“Love is grand; divorce is 100 grand.”
– Unknown
“I actually, actually such as you, even when my resting bitch face generally says in any other case.”
– Fay Collins
“Will you be my Valentine? That was a rhetorical query. We’re married.”
– Sarah Kelly
“Love is what you’ve been by means of with someone.”
– James Thurber
“You rainbow-infused house unicorn.”
– Leslie Knope
“Love is only a chocolate substitute.”
– Melanie Clark Pullen
“A girl’s creativeness may be very speedy; it jumps from admiration to like, from like to matrimony in a second.”
– Jane Austen
“Love is affected person, love is sort, love means slowly shedding your thoughts.”
– Jay Thomas
“Do you consider in love at first sight, or ought to I stroll by once more?”
– Unknown
“Ladies want a purpose to have intercourse. Males simply want a spot.”
– Billy Crystal
“Love is like an hourglass, with the guts filling up because the mind empties.”
– Jules Renard
“I didn’t fall for you, you tripped me!”
– Jenny Han
“Love is similar as like besides you’re feeling sexier.”
– Judith Viorst
“Honesty is the important thing to a relationship. Should you can faux that, you’re in.”
– Richard Jeni
“It wasn’t love at first sight. It took a full 5 minutes.”
– Lucille Ball
“Love is an electrical blanket with someone else in charge of the change.”
– Cathy Carlyle
“I really like you and it’s getting worse.”
– Joseph E. Morris
“Marriage is like pantyhose. All of it will depend on what you place into it.”
– Phyllis Schlafl
“Love is telling somebody their hair extensions are exhibiting.”
– Natasha Leggero
“Real love comes quietly, with out banners or flashing lights. Should you hear bells, get your ears checked.”
– Erich Segal
“Love with outdated males is because the solar upon the snow, it dazzles greater than it warms.”
– J. P. Senn
“The difficulty with some ladies is that they get all enthusiastic about nothing – after which marry him.”
– Cher
Need extra uplifting inspiration on your Valentine’s Day? Then try these 100 quick Valentine’s Day captions, the 101 inspirational Valentine’s day quotes right here and these love quotes. Plus, the quick and romantic quotes on this publish and these high 35 love quotes for him.
